I decided to give up Facebook for Lent, not for any particular religious reason, but because it was a nice time-frame to use for my own purposes. I had Caryn change my password so that I would not even be able to log into my account. And as Easter has come and gone I thought it would be worth noting a few things I've learning in my time away from the Big Blue Monster which feeds on your time.
First, a note on why I did this. I don't think I spent a lot of time on Facebook. I know this is a relative statement, so let me be more specific. I estimate that I spent around a half an hour a day on Facebook. This was broken down into one minute to ten minute segments and spread over an entire day. This is just a fact of how I was spending my time, neither bad nor good.
There are two thoughts that motivated me to to try giving up Facebook. First, Is this all it is? I kept thinking, why do I keep checking Facebook? What am I looking for? What am I hoping to see? Some people love to be voyeurs into what other people are thinking or doing, but I couldn't help but see most status updates as cries for attention.
Second, there were a lot of other things I would rather do if given a half hour a day. These include exercise, reading, writing, blogging, baking bread, or even cleaning the house. When I stepped back and examined my life, asking myself, "What kind of life do you want to lead?" Facebook wasn't a big part of it. I could go on further about both these points but the takeaway is that I am not making any big statement about Facebook in general, but about my own personality and the kind of life I want to live.
Things I learn by giving up Facebook
1. Facebook has some good things about it.
Facebook has allowed me to keep in contact with my brother (Chicago) and sister (Denver) more easily. I have a general sense of connectedness to cousins, people I went to college with, seminary peers, and other people I no longer see on a regular basis. It also provides a personal interaction between co-workers because I can see pictures of their families or share a game of Scramble.
2. Facebook offers a general sense of connection but it shouldn't be mistaken as good as face-to-face conversations.
It is too easy to believe that I am connected with people through Facebook who I probably owe a phone call, email, or visit. I justify not doing these things because I am comforted by the vague sense of connection that Facebook gives; just enough so that I don't feel the distance of a friend who has moved across the country, but also just enough that I don't do anything to maintain a connection more serious that clicking "like" on a status or photo.
2. Facebook is the future.
I have some co-workers who still insist that WordPerfect is a better program that Word. I have listened to their case and I'll admit that for their purposes, it is a superior tool. At the same time everyone uses Word. You cannot fight against the sheer numbers of people who use a product. In the same way, you need to have a Facebook account because Facebook is already deeply woven into the way we live our lives. It is become as ubiquitous as (and occasionally replacing) email, necessary as cell phones, and as useful as Google.
3. Facebook is not the future.
Facebook is a choice. Spending weeks not logged in as has made me realize that I don't have to have a Facebook account to be happy, stay connected, be efficient, feel cool, or have friends. Facebook needs to serve the life I want, not the other way around.
4. You need to set the terms/limits of your Facebook interaction or it will naturally suck you in.
Facebook is the casino of the Internet. Real casinos are designed so that every time you want to leave, or go to a restaurant or the spa, you need to walk all the way through the main casino floor. The rooms don't have cable television and have sparse accommodations. Everything is made to send you into the gaming floor. Why do you think that Facebook keeps tweaking their format and layout? Because they know how to make the experience more addicting. Why do you think they call people you're linked to "friends" and not something like "connections"? Because they want everyone connected. So instead of "setting a healthy boundary between myself and an old high school girlfriend" I have to "de-friend" her. Harsh.You need to decide how you are going to use Facebook because otherwise Facebook will decide for you.
Conclusion: I'm going to log into Facebook tomorrow. (I had to reset my password because the one Caryn had didn't work and they lock you out for 24 hours after resetting a password.) I'm sure I'll have missed interesting things, but I've actually liked it a lot not being on Facebook. It feels kind of weighty to being going back, like I'm someone accepting an obligation. But who knows, maybe after a couple of months I'll shut down my account all together. For now, I'm going to set some rules for myself. Log-in no more that two times a day and take one day each week and not log in at all.
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