A Good Way to be a Parent

There are a lot of different ways to be a parent.  Some people parent "from the hip" without reflecting on why they do what they do. Now, all people make assumptions about the proper way to act, but parents who approach raising children as a casual affair are going to pass along whatever baggage they received from their parents. This can include the stifling of emotions though repeatedly telling a child, "Don't cry. You're all right." It could be creating an unhealthy relationship with food though battles at the dinner table. Or it could be fostering jealousy between siblings by unconsciously treating a low-maintenance child differently than a child that requires more attention.

My wife and I agree that this is not the way we want to be parents to our children. We know that we will undoubtedly mess them up in our own special way, but we want to minimize the effect as much as possible. So we approach parenting the same way we approach learning (and mastering, which requires constant learning) any skill. We read, talk, try, reflect, adjust and then hold each other accountable when we loose our cool and let our emotions drive how we act and talk.

One of the blogs both my wife and I read had a good article that summarized how we try to equip our children to deal with their emotions. We don't always do everything perfectly, but that's not the point, the point is that kids have needs that sometimes get mis-interpreted by adults who have not thought through how they are going to respond when kids do typical kid things: push limits, yell, fight, cry, destroy your house, refuse to eat, spill, are melt down with emotion.